32 Comments

Why? (Flash Fiction)

High fives and hugs to PJ and pixabay.com for presenting us with this writing challenge and photo, respectively. If you don’t know, I usually scamper around the 75-175 word limit. Today is no different (lol). I hope you enjoy the story below. Click on the link to check out other entries and more details about this challenge. This is also a response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Mentor Me.”

I leaned back against the mossy bark of a fallen tree and hummed to the glistening water laid out before me. Leaves that were greener than your eyes rustled in the breeze and flirted with my bare arms and legs. I closed my eyes and rubbed my skin. That used to be your touch.

As the trees around me groaned, I breathed in the scent of wild mint and almost tasted it on my tongue.

No warning, just a flutter of wings over my head, and there they were — weaving over and under each other with such grace. One gray and white. The other black, green, and blue. Max and Liz, or so I had named them after the kids we’d planned.

I lifted my face higher and held up a hand to block out the sun. When the light began to fade and new shadows littered the ground and my body, they kept dancing.

BAM!

I scrambled to my feet. My heart exploded as the black bird plummeted into the water. The ripples reached the shore.

I fell to my knees. The darkening sky might’ve cried then, too.

(189 words)

Advertisements

32 comments on “Why? (Flash Fiction)

  1. So much detail, it feels like I was there. The narrator’s loss is palpable, too. Oh, and I’m outraged someone shot the bird. Great job, Izzy!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my gosh! That is awesome (except for shooting the bird). So many emotions in this story!! I love this Izzy!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Such a calming and peaceful time turning into such devastation would knock anyone off their feet! Great job in showing all of the emotions.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I felt that I was right there with you. Wonderful write!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh dear, this is just a beautiful piece; the diction you are using, the emotion that is coming through. I will buy your collection of short stories so publish it already. you are being loved ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol! Aww, thanks! I’m working towards becoming an author (seeking an agent), but I should give more thought into specifically publishing short stories in contests and such. That would help to put myself more out there. 😀 ❤ 😀 Thanks again for the encouragement and support. I really needed to hear, or should I say read, this.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I loved all your descriptions – the feelings, sounds, sights and tastes. I felt like I was there, enjoying the gracefulness of the birds and then BAM, the sudden death of the black bird startled me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Another good one, Izzy, great build up and then BAM! The last sentence works especially well.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I love the way you create such a peaceful scene, only to bring it all crashing down. You have a great deal of detail, too, so many avenues that could be explored. The failed relationship in itself is intriguing. Very well written.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Peaceful but a tinkling of sadness felt (besides the death of that poor bird) of a lost love when I read the line ‘ used to be your touch’. Perhaps it’s just me…lol… Great writing! Cheers! ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Brilliant story Izzy!
    The descriptions are great and so is the way in which you bought it all to life. The ending too is very poignant.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Talk about a great choice of words to express yourself. Thanks for reading and sharing this! As I’ve told our fellow bloggers, I’m truly happy you all were able to feel something as you read. I look forward to what this week’s prompt brings out of us. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Wonderful story, Izzy. 🙂 The peaceful scene is really well crafted and then so neatly destroyed with the death of the bird. Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I liked the calm serene set up. Poor, poor bird. I didn’t realize the sound was a gun until someone else mentioned it. Still sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ooh, interesting. So were you confused or did you imagine something else? It was so unexpected. When it came to me (as I was free writing), it made me ask “What is it? What’s happening? This can’t be happening. Why?!” 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  13. No not confusing. I thought it was the sound of something else. That’s all.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: