11 Comments

Where You Go (Flash Fiction)

I declare much thanks to the wonderful Priceless Joy for hosting Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers (75 – 175 words) and Louise (The Storyteller’s Abode) for providing the inspiring photo prompt this week. If you haven’t heard of or joined this challenge, please do yourself a favor and check out PJ’s blog for more details and entertaining entries. You won’t regret it.

wpid-photo-20150830113902812

~*~

Now to the main feature:

~*~

From the moment the massive train stops before her, Kaci knows she did the right thing.

Other passengers, who’d been waiting with Kaci and her mom, smile and tip their hats goodbye.

“C’mon, darling, before they take all the good seats. Hand me the tickets.”

Kaci gives only one. “I really appreciate everything you’ve sacrificed.”

“Thanks, sugar bug. Now more walking, less talking.”

Kaci grips the handle of her empty suitcase. “It’s time for you to go on your own adventure.”

The crowd jostles them as realization dawns on her mom’s face.

“No refunds, so that’ll be a waste if you don’t go.”

The train smokes a signal.

“You raised me well. I’ll be okay while you’re gone.”

“I can’t believe you did this.” But spurts of excitement show through her anger and worry. “I…I…”

“Go, Mom.” Kaci nudges her. “I’ll keep my cell charged so you can check in on me. Have fun. Fall in love. Go crazy!” Kaci hugs and kisses her.

Decades later (9/20/’57), Kaci crunches her way to the tombstone.

“You raised me well. I’ll be okay while you’re gone.”

(190 words…whoops again)

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11 comments on “Where You Go (Flash Fiction)

  1. I love how you used the numbers! I thought I’d do something with them, but then the story took a different direction.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lovely story. Sort of sad at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lovely story, beautiful but sad ending.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bittersweet. “If we love something, we must set it free….”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Take your chances whilst you can, at least you can say you tried.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A beautiful story, Izzy. 🙂 I hope her mother enjoyed her travels and lived many fulfilled years before she passed on. I like your use of the numbers and the repetition of the line ‘“You raised me well. I’ll be okay while you’re gone.”’ is very effective.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow! Great story Izzy. It gave me goosebumps! I see it that she went on the last adventure alone because she was dying. What a beautiful story and so well told! Love it! Thank you for participating in FFfAW challenge.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. A wonderful edge of sadness that builds your beautiful story Izzy ~ A lovely write ~ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Great story depicting the mother raising her daughter to be well adjusted and able to live her life and let her mother live hers. It’s often hard for mother and daughter to let go, but that’s the cycle of life. I’m sure with that kind of relationship they continued to spend many quality times together over the years before her mother passed away.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A wonderful play on the mother-daughter relationship here, especially that necessary and inevitable time when a daughter (or son) must stand on her own two feet. A very poingnant scene at the end, with the clever repeat of ‘You raised me well’. That means so much in this story (and in real life in general). Well done, Izzy.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. very nice, the emotions as so well done. And, whoops, me too: I seem to be having an issue keeping it under 175 myself 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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