To the wonderful Priceless Joy, for hosting Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers (75 – 175 words) and Dawn M. Miller for providing the inspiring photo prompt this week. If you haven’t heard of or joined this challenge, please do yourself a favor and check out PJ’s blog for more details and entertaining entries. You won’t regret it.
Without further ado:
“Lookit, I can fly.”
I tug him down from the bridge railing. He slips and scrapes his hand, and I cry out in pain for him.
He wipes the blood on his hospital pants. “Don’t you trust me?”
Leaves fall, brushing against us.
“Let’s go back before they sound the alarm.” Please.
He jumps up on the railing. My stomach lurches.
“You always have to see to believe.” He shakes his head and steps off.
“No!” I lunge for him, but his 155 pounds are too much for my 87. I fall over the rail, too. The shock on his face courses through me.
It hurts. Everything.
“Why did you do that?” He’s crying over me.
How is he doing that—sitting? I can’t move. It hurts.
“What happened?” another voice shouts.
“I-I wanted to show her magic is real. She g-grabbed me. I couldn’t catch her in time.”
“We have to go.”
“I can’t leave her—no! Stop!” A flurry of white leaves. So soft, they cover me.
I suck in air. Tired. No more pain. I think I’ll go to sleep now.
(184 words :-S )
Isabelle-grabs-life 
Many great lines here, Izzy, but this one is by miles my favourite: “How is he doing that—sitting?” That’s all it takes to show us how badly she’s injured and that he’s got away without a scratch.
Wonderful writing.
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Thanks, Sonya! That’s my favorite line in this piece, too. ❤ ❤ ❤
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I love where you’ve taken this! Nice story 🙂
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Thanks, Graham. As a fellow crime/mystery/suspense writer, that means a lot. ^_^
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The last line is so poignant.
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😀 Ahh, you’ve picked out my second favorite line. Thanks for reading and letting me know this
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This is wonderful Izzy. Very powerful. I agree with Sonya, plus I really like this sentence, “A flurry of white leaves. So soft, they cover me.” That makes me realize she has died or she is dying. Very powerful. Great story! Thank you for participating in the FFfAW challenge! 🙂
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😦 She was dying. Thanks for picking out this sentence as the one that touched you most. I love how you understood the tone/mood. I left the line to be interpreted in any way. To me, her friend covered her with his wings (but in her POV, white leaves).
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It is beautiful. Using the term white leaves is beautiful!
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This is a very good story that conveys so much in so few words 🙂
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It still amazes me how we’re able to do this! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts with me
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[…] you, Izzy, for inspiring Josh’s unexpected […]
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Ahh! Your story and this sequel are still on mind! I told you it would be
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Oh how sad.
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😦 A bittersweet tragedy
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Wow Izzy but I like how you managed this tale and the twist in the end. So well done.
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Thanks! I look forward to this week’s prompt
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I like how you told your story from her perspective. So sad at the end. Good take on the prompt. 🙂
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Wow, thanks! There were moments when I wanted to slip into her friend’s POV, too, but I decided to stick with hers. Thanks for reading! =)
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Aw, Izzy I love this tho it’s sad to think she has passed on.
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Thanks, and sadly, I believe she passed away, too. 😦 It’s a tragedy, but I did feel the need to add a hauntingly beautiful touch to the piece.
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I liked the story, but the ending was sad.
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It really was :’-( But still, thanks for taking the time to read my story.
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Beautifully written! The words you have chosen really makes this an inspiring story! I love it. 🙂
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Thank you so much! It’s great how we both decided to take on themes of love, hardship, and believing (even if you can’t see the end results or the present moment is far from ideal). Of course, this story for my MC seems to come to an end, whereas yours seemed like the “end” of a beginning
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So well written, Izzy. I love the way your story builds up until the the awful landing, when she is fatally injured – yet he sits there, unhurt. It’s so sad that she died, when all he wanted to do was to prove that magic was real. I’m just puzzled by the word ‘Please’ (6th line).Should that be included in the speech marks, or not?
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It is heartbreaking, but I’m glad you considered this tragedy from both perspectives, too. As for “Please,” it was the word she stopped herself from saying out loud. She tried to will him to listen and not go up on the railing. Thanks for reading and asking this question! I’m sure you’re not the only one who wondered that.
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Hi, Izzy. The only reason I mentioned
the word ‘Please’ was because, if it is
spoken, it should be inside the speech marks. The way you have it, it
isn’t part of what she says. I gathered she did say it, and it made perfect sense, apart from the misplaced speech mark. Hope you don’t mind me mentioning that…? Still, it didn’t detract from the excellent story. 🙂
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Of course not. =) I do wonder who else thought I accidentally left out “Please” from the spoken dialogue rather than it being an internal dialogue. Hmm…
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If I’d looked more closely at the print, Izzy, I would have noticed the ‘Please’ was in italics – which would have told me that it wasn’t spoken. I think I just need a good night’s sleep – or better still a week. I’ve misread a few things this week. 🙂
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A good night’s sleep…? What’s that? 😛
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That bad, eh, Izzy? There seem to be a lot of people who rarely have a full night’s sleep nowadays. 🙂
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A wonderfully powerful story, Izzy, with such a sad ending. Really well done. 🙂
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Thanks! Did I tell you how I always look forward to your replies? Not just on my posts, but everyone participating in this challenge. If not, then now you know. 😀
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I’m so glad, Izzy! I always try to leave comments and replies that show a little thought, so I’m very glad you like them. 🙂
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I loved the dialogue! I loved the imagery and the emotions!! The soft, white leaves made me sad.
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As I told one of our fellow writers, I love it when someone points out the specific things that moved them. That said, thank you for doing so and expressing that you did feel something as you read. ❤
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It was a pleasure reading you 🙂
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Beautifully written. Lots of imagery in this one and such a sad ending.
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Thanks, Rachel! Your reactions always mean a lot. I can’t wait to see what this week’s prompt brings out of us.
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