Crucified on Calvary, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
He spoke out for love. Likewise, this courageous blogger (Amanda Lough) stepped outside of herself and her situation to consider the lives of the human beings who murdered her husband.
I can’t imagine such torment. Such transgression. Such atrocity.
But Amanda doesn’t focus on that. She chooses to starve the spirit of hatred and feed the spirit of forgiveness on a daily basis. She chooses to question what justice means and how it can be served after what happened. She chooses to question whether she’s willing to kill, too.
- to deprive of life; cause the death of
- to put an end to
- to turn (something) off
- to destroy the vital or essential quality of
- to cause extreme pain to
- to hit (something) so hard that a return is impossible
- (murder) to kill with premeditated malice
By sharing her story and resolutions — which break my heart as much they give me strength — Amanda has inspired me to reflect (yet again) on my own situation. I hope her words reach you, too.
As I step closer to God and further understand forgiveness, I become more aware of my fear that I might not be able to reconcile with my aunt and uncle after what they did.
I’d always imagined that once I truly learned to forgive, a moment would take place when I’d face them again. That with God, such a mountain could and would be moved. But what if facing them again isn’t part of God’s plan? What if the next time I see them is at a funeral? What if I never know if or when they die at all? Many things have been left unsaid, but what if those things are only meant to be laid at God’s feet, not theirs? Ever. After all, the greatest injustice was done to God in this situation.
Despite what my uncle and aunt may think, I don’t want my uncle to be locked up in prison. The sad fact is there’s nothing he can say or do — nothing that any human system or being can do to him — that would wash away the pain. It’s all in Jesus’ hands. He’s the only way.
But let’s say, my uncle did go to jail. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he still believed he did nothing wrong. What then would be resolved? And how much pain would be brought to his immediate family and friends? Would they deserve that?
Just like me, my uncle’s going to face God one day. True justice, whatever God sees fit, will be served to all of us. Until then (and even on that day), I pray we experience God’s “grace, love, and mercy” — and have the courage to “change the [reality] that [we find] ourselves in.” To betterment, not bitterness or hardened hearts.
I have been pretty silent on my blog the last couple months.
A lot has been going on but putting it in to words has been beyond my ability. They say grief is a cycle and that you don’t just grieve one thing.
Its called secondary grief.
It’s grieving the loss of the dreams you may have carried for years of a reconciliation some day, its grieving the fact that you will never see that person again here on earth, it’s processing through the guilt of things said or left unsaid.
On Dec. 23rd, the man who helped kill my husband Phillip was sentenced.
22 years in prison…
I can’t help but feel a heaviness and deep sadness,
however it is not over what most people would assume to be normal.
My heaviness is the thought that the two men that did this will be in prison for the majority…
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